How Can I Make My Shadows My Friends?
Stop ignoring the darkest parts of you that you’ve kept hidden.
If you’ve ever felt stuck in patterns of self-doubt, fear, or pain from the past, you’re not alone. For years, I carried the weight of trauma as a survivor of child sexual abuse. It shaped how I saw the world, how I trusted (or didn’t), and how I felt about myself. I lived with shame and silence, pushing away the darker parts of myself because I was afraid of what I might find if I looked too closely. But here’s what I’ve learned on my journey: the only way out is through.
Shadow work changed my life. It was the key to turning my pain into purpose, and it can do the same for you. By embracing the parts of ourselves we’ve hidden or rejected, we reclaim our wholeness and find deep healing. If you’re ready to break free from the past and step into a more empowered version of yourself, let’s dive in together.
What Is Shadow Work?
Shadow work is the process of exploring the unconscious parts of yourself—the emotions, fears, and beliefs you’ve buried. These “shadows” are often formed in childhood, shaped by painful experiences, trauma, or societal conditioning. Instead of ignoring them, shadow work invites us to bring them into the light with compassion and curiosity.
Think of it like this: If you keep shoving things into a closet and never open it, the clutter grows until one day, the door bursts open and everything spills out. Shadow work is about intentionally opening that door, piece by piece, so you can clean out what no longer serves you and make peace with what remains.
How to Do Shadow Work Successfully
If you’re ready to start your own journey, here are some simple and effective steps to begin:
1. Create a Safe Space for Reflection
Shadow work requires honesty, and honesty requires safety. Find a quiet place where you feel comfortable, whether that’s a cozy corner with a journal, a walk in nature, or a moment of stillness before bed.
2. Start with Self-Awareness
Begin by noticing your triggers. What situations make you feel defensive, angry, or unworthy? These reactions are clues, pointing to wounds that need your attention. Instead of judging yourself, ask: Where is this coming from? What does this part of me need?
3. Journal Without Judgment
Writing is a powerful way to bring the unconscious to the surface. Try prompts like:
What is a recurring negative belief I have about myself? Where did it start?
What emotions do I avoid? Why?
What part of myself do I struggle to accept?
Let the words flow without censoring yourself. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s self-discovery and increased self-awareness.
4. Practice Self-Compassion
When we face our shadows, shame often tries to sneak in. Be kind to yourself. Imagine speaking to your younger self—the one who first experienced the pain you’re uncovering. What would you say to them? How would you comfort them?
5. Use Breathwork, Meditation, or Visualization
Sometimes, emotions surface that feel overwhelming. Ground yourself with deep breathing, meditation, or guided visualizations. Picture yourself embracing your inner child, telling them they are safe, loved, and no longer alone.
6. Seek Guidance When Needed
Shadow work can bring up deep emotions, and you don’t have to do it alone. Having a supportive guide can make all the difference. If you’re ready to explore this work in a safe and nurturing space, I would love to help you navigate your journey toward healing. Book a session with me, and let’s uncover the light within your shadows together.
The Freedom That Awaits You
Shadow work isn’t about fixing yourself—because you were never broken. It’s about remembering your wholeness and reclaiming the parts of yourself you’ve hidden. It’s about turning wounds into wisdom and pain into power.
I am living proof that healing is possible. What once felt like an unbearable weight has become the foundation of my purpose: helping others find their way back to themselves. And if I can do it, so can you.
You are worthy of healing. You are capable of transformation. And you don’t have to walk this path alone.
How you’ll feel
More Whole, Happy, Peaceful, & Hopeful About Your Future
“For women who want to be reminded of their own value or taught how to capitalize on their unique talents, and especially to women who are holding themselves back in their careers or personal lives because of what people might think, I recommend you talk to Tilde.”
-Avery Carmen
